The "Do You Know?" Exercise: Connecting Your Family’s History to Its Future

The "Do You Know?" Exercise: Connecting Your Family’s History to Its Future

In the world of family wealth and legacy planning, we often focus intensely on the "What" and the "Where." What assets do we have? Where are they located? What is the structure of the trust?

But as any seasoned advisor or family leader knows, the continuity of wealth relies heavily on the "Why." Without a shared understanding of the family’s purpose, even the most sophisticated estate plan can fracture under the weight of misunderstanding or indifference.

Research from Emory University offers a powerful insight into the emotional quotient that often surfaces in families of wealth. Psychologists Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush discovered that the single best predictor of a child’s emotional health and resilience is their ability to answer questions about their family history. Specifically, families that share an "oscillating narrative"—stories that include both the triumphs and the failures—raise children who are more resilient, grounded, and confident.

At leafplanner, organization brings clarity, but stories bring connection. To help your family bridge the gap between your assets and your identity, we’ve adapted this research into a practical exercise: “Our Family Story – Do You Know?”

The Objective

This isn't just a history lesson. The goal is to help family members across generations discover stories that build a shared identity. By understanding where you came from, the family gains the context needed to make better decisions about where it is going.

Step 1: Set the Stage

Gather the family in a comfortable setting, whether that’s around the dinner table or on a Zoom call. It is vital to frame this not as a test, but as an exploration.

The Prompt: “We have spent a lot of time planning for the human and financial assets of this family, but today we want to talk about the history that built them. We’re going to explore our stories to strengthen our connection and understand our shared ‘Why.’”

Step 2: The 8 Question Challenge

Using the Emory research as a foundation, we’ve created a "Do You Know?" list tailored for families navigating the complexities of wealth and legacy.

Ask your family:

1. Do you know where your grandparents grew up?
2. Do you know how your parents (or grandparents) met?
3. Do you know of an obstacle or financial failure the family faced and overcame?
4. Do you know the story behind a specific family tradition?
5. Do you know the origin story of the family business or the primary source of wealth?
6. Do you know why a particular trust or family foundation was created?
7. Do you know a moment when a family member demonstrated incredible generosity?
8. Do you know which family member you look or act the most like?

The Activity: Go around the room. Have different generations answer the questions. The "correct" answer is less important than the discussion it sparks. Encourage the elders to provide the context and the "color" behind the facts.

Step 3: Connect Stories to Values

This is where the exercise moves from reminiscing to planning. As stories are shared, listen for the recurring themes.

Ask the group: “What values do these stories reveal?”

• Did a story about a failed business venture reveal resilience?
• Did a story about a foundation grant reveal stewardship?
• Did a story about immigration reveal courage?

Visualizing the Link: Imagine overlapping circles where individual values merge. The intersection is your Shared Family Purpose. Identify the top three values that appear most often—these are the pillars of your family culture.

Step 4: Define the Family’s “Why”

Now, translate those stories and values into a forward-looking statement. A strong Family Purpose Statement serves as a "North Star" for decision-making.

Drafting Template: “We exist to [Impact Statement], guided by [Core Values], to ensure [Legacy Goal].”

Example: "We exist to empower future generations to pursue their own passions, guided by the values of resilience and education, to ensure our family remains a positive force in our community."

Step 5: Capture and Curate in leafplanner

A story forgotten is a connection lost. This is where leafplanner transforms the abstract into the concrete.

• Document the Narrative: Use the platform to record these stories, the purpose statement, and the values identified.
• Contextualize the Assets: In leafplanner, you can map your assets (entities, trusts, properties). Now, you can relate those assets with the stories that explain them.
  
  • Why does this Trust exist? Because previous generations wanted to ensure education was never a barrier.
  • Why do we keep the vacation home? Because it is the physical location where our "oscillating narrative" is discussed every summer.
• Education & Engagement: Create workflows that prompt an annual review of these stories. As new members join the family (through birth or marriage), use your leafplan as the onboarding tool for the family narrative.

Optional: Gamify the Connection

If the mood is right, add a twist to the exercise:

• The Historian Badge: Award a prize to the person who knows the most answers.
• The Reporter: Offer "bonus points" to younger generation members who interview an elder to find the answer to a question they missed.

The Bottom Line

Assets are tangible, but legacy is intangible. By using the "Do You Know?" exercise, you aren't just passing down wealth; you are passing down the resilience and identity required to be a good steward of that wealth.

Ready to Operationalize Your Family Purpose?

See how leafplanner helps families of wealth organize their assets, educate the next generation, and secure their legacy. Book your personal walkthrough.

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